stirring desperation into a double shot mocha

Well we are currently on day five of our annual reactive airway disease conference and mama's about two sleep deprived nights away from throwing in the towel.  Our keynote speaker has demonstrated mad skills in uncontrollable coughing fits, germ distribution, and how to maintain a fever for an entire week.  She's become such an expert that all the blood vessels in her cheeks burst, causing her to fake a case of the chicken pox.  I'm pretty sure we hit rock bottom this morning as they were both sitting six inches from the tv watching their third hour of the Disney Channel and eating Lucky Charms from the box.  

The icing on this mucus filled cake is that Ben leaves for his guys weekend to southern california for a full four days.  I had a dream that all of his college friends were giving me a pedicure and asking me if I wanted them to book me a massage at the spa in Palm Springs.  Is that weird?  

But in honor of this month of thanksgiving, I would like to say that I am thankful for my parents, who always allow me to show up on their doorstep with a tear stained face and a giant suitcase.  

this girl of mine

It's a big week around these parts as Ms. A is leaving five behind in the dust.  Now she pretty much wrote the book on tomboy chic.  At any given moment you can find her up in a tree with a pair of sparkly flats.  And you don't even want to see the level of drama this girl can throw out when I suggest she wear pants to school.  

She runs at two speeds:  rodeo clown and emotional teenager. 

 But lately we've got a new character in the story.  Ninja girl.  I just about choked at dinner when she said she wanted to be a power ranger for Halloween.  I tried to remain calm and then I suggested Supergirl.  

But after a few minutes of pouting I decided there are worse things she could want to be.  At least it's empowering, right?  So I forked over eighteen bucks at toys r us for one of the ugliest costumes I have ever seen.  

And then she said she wanted a power ranger birthday party.  I'll admit that I had to take some deep breaths.  But we're a few weeks into the party planning and through some very creative compromises we've come up with what might be the girliest ninja party ever thrown. 

 Here's the invite:

 No one will even suspect that they're walking into a samurai smackdown.

 So far she feels her greatest accomplishment in life is learning how to go cross eyed.  Daddy gave her a step by step tutorial.  You have to start with the finger six inches out.

 And then move it closer to your nose.

 Focus

 Closer

 Almost there

 Got it!

 She lives every single moment to it's fullest this one.  She licks every speck of frosting off the top.

Tonight at bedtime I prayed with her in my arms and asked that God would bless all the many gifts that he's given her and help her to use them for his glory.  Afterwards, she asked if that meant God was going to give her presents for her birthday.  After using every ounce of self control not to laugh, I explained that God has blessed her with being good at a lot of things and that she can praise him by using those gifts.  Then she said she's thinking of giving God the poem Five Little Scarecrows as a gift. I decided we'd work more on it later.

 When she wakes up in the morning she climbs into bed with me, brushes my hair away from my face and kisses my cheek.  She'll paint a picture for me and then leave it next to my pillow for when I wake up.  She's a firecracker on the trapeze and rocked circus camp.  She's the queen of compliments and a Class A snuggler.  I am so proud to be her mama and even though I can tell that six will have it's own set of challenges as she breaks into a new layer of skin, I'll hold fast to the One who designed all of who Ava is meant to be.

 Ok, maybe it's not so bad.  She kind of looks like the captain of starship Enterprise.

 Ninja Mom Out

lil' pirate preview

Talented and gifted

Sometimes it's important to celebrate your children's unique gifts and abilities.

the gives and the takes

I might be going MIA for awhile as this here record of Hsieh antics falls somewhere between laundry and homework on Mama's towline.  School may be a bit on the easy side but the reading's been kicking my butt.  On the plus side, it turns out that I overshot my first paper (thanks Dad!) and had to invent some grammatical errors to avoid embarrassing those in my reading group.  It seems PSU doesn't adhere to the same lofty standards as Princeton.  But except for a few bumps in the road everyone seems to be pulling together and making this whole thing happen.  There have been a few unexpected benefits to this new adventure such as Grandpa learning how to put an egg wash on a potpie, Ian finally acknowledging Ben as an acceptable Mommy substitute, and due to the unprecedented alone time in the car Mama finally knows who Nicki Minaj is.  And in spite of my increased absences I'm still trying to convince everyone that I'm present in the ways that matter.

Family bike rides on perfect fall nights still make the list

along with blackberry picking

apple bread baking

 and of course Bears games!

 Because that degree of cuteness just can't be denied.

So in this season of crazy I just hope the mental stack of cards I need to write and emails I need to send doesn't get too high.  I'll daydream about catching up with Liz Lemon and Leslie Knope and hope Ben doesn't keep track of all the solo bedtiming he has to do with the smalls.  There's a few debts I won't be able to repay but I also know that I blew my cover with those who really love me a long time ago.

Pumpkin caramel cake and echoes of mercy (oh, yes I did)

Well my littles are down for the count and I'm inhaling cake like it's the end of the world.  Considering how tight my jeans were this week you'd think I wouldn't be eating this little pumpkin beauty with cream cheese frosting as if it were the last meal I'd ever see, but you'd be wrong.  I actually think it could have turned out a little better.  If I were to do it again I'd just pool hot caramel on the bottom of the bowl instead of channeling my inner chemist and infusing the layers.  But live and learn.  If you're looking for a new fall dessert I'd give this one a try.

1. Make Martha's cake in as many layers as you'd like.  Lessen the baking time a few minutes for each layer you want.
2. Make cream cheese frosting:
1 stick butter (softened)
2 packages cream cheese(softened)
2 cups of powdered sugar (or more to taste) I went the less route so it wouldn't be overly sweet

3. Poke holes in the cake (or go the pool route and don't) and fill them with the salted caramel

4. Top first layer with frosting and then repeat with all your layers

5. Frost the whole cake with a light coat and stick it in the fridge for 30 minutes

6.Frost the cake again with remaining frosting until nice and purty
7. Decorate how your inner Martha would lead you.  I went with grated white chocolate and coated some leaves with the rest of the melted chocolate until set.

8. Stand back and admire your masterpiece!
9. After eating one perfect piece put the cake back together and walk it over to your neighbors house.  The End

In other non cake related news I have in fact taken two small steps away from the coop and started school this week.  What was supposed to be one class turned into two and away we go.  I have to say I'm a bit giddy about it all.  If your interested in the nitty gritty I'm getting a masters in curriculum & development with an early childhood focus at PSU.  Whew that's a mouthful.
 I told Ava I was going back to school and she immediately made me a name tag and insisted on taking my picture.  She then rolled her eyes and said that she doesn't think she has time to make me lunch every day.  I assured her that I wouldn't be requiring a lunch and she ran off to practice her spinjitzu.  (don't ask)

I do want to say how thankful I am for the certain gift of clarity this fall.  A few months ago I started to feel a little nudge.  It began with a quiet whisper to erase the white board.  So Ben and I said no to a few of our usual autumn suspects.  All good commitments.  Great commitments in fact.  Then I just waited for Him to fill in the blanks.  And He did.
Sometimes I hesitate to even throw the praises out there because sometimes (or a million times) God doesn't fill in the blanks.  He lets us sweat it out awhile.  I'm guessing this is because He would rather have us hanging onto Him instead of hanging onto our comfortable circumstances.  We all know the stories of how the money came through right when we needed it and so and so was cured and then he found a job in the nick of time.
But God is God even when our circumstances don't change and we break down in the ugly cry at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday.  He knows what we need and will take us where we're going.  He's our loudest fan on the sidelines and cheers us on when we fall.  He wants our most honest insides.  He doesn't love us because we're doing the best.  He loves us because we're His.
So with that disclaimer, He's given me a few busier nights.  One will be helping a neighbor start a small spiritual exploration group with some very sweet ladies looking for a little more hope in their lives.  What a privilege right?  To be a part of someone's God journey.  It's scary too but I'm excited to just share my story and look for truth right along with them.
And then there's class.  Whoo hoo!  I am loving it.  Honestly it's too easy and I catch myself making notes about how I'd teach it differently.  I mean, if I have to find two babysitters, make dinner in the crockpot, and lay out everyone's footy jammies, the least you could do is not wear a sweatsuit to teach class.
But I feel a little bit more alive.  It's all still there.  What stirs me up and gets me mad and makes me smile from the city to my driveway.  And weirdly it makes me happier when I'm around my kiddos.  There's actually room for both.
Maybe it's a not rebellious notion but it kind of is for me.
So today I'm thankful for a season of peace and busyness and freshly paved road.

I just wanted a slice of pizza

This week has been so off-kilter I think it might be right.  I figure you can only go so far in the wrong direction before it actually becomes right, right?  There's been a giant Cheeto on the dining room floor for five straight days.  I refuse to pick it up just to see how long it will stay there.  Mama starts grad school tomorrow so I imagine it can only go downhill from here.  Or uphill, depending on how you look at it.  I'm sure the kids will appreciate a few days of unkempt hair, mismatched clothes and frozen pizza for dinner.  Anyhoo, we're not here to discuss our slow family decent, we're here for a friendly ego-boost.

So let us begin at bedtime.  As I was putting Ian down last night he chose the classic story of The Three Little Pigs.  All was fine and dandy until I got to the wolf's line and then I couldn't stop laughing because I had one of those weird flashbacks where something so absurd happened that you wonder if it really happened at all.  Then you realize that it actually did happen and you have to relive the shame all over again, all while your two year old stares at you and waits for the next page.
Because really mom, I highly doubt your story can top the daily embarrassment of needing other people to clean poop off your body.   We'll see.
It all started back in Oakland California in late July.  The entire family checked into the Homewood Suites and agreed to meet back at Mom and Dad Hsieh's room for pizza.  I went to our room and set up the pack and play and the pull out bed.  I changed Ian's diaper and put all our clothes away in the dresser.  Then Ben came to get the kids and took them next door for dinner.  After I finished up and made sure I had the room key, I went to room 103 and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"
"Rebekah"
"Rebekah who?"
Rebekah who?  What do you mean Rebekah who?  Rebekah, your daughter in law. 
Oh, I see we're playing a little game.  Well two can play at this game. 
 Other than that inner dialogue I cannot exactly explain what happened next.  One minute I was me and the next minute I was channeling my inner drama student.  Because out of nowhere and before I could even stop myself I said in a full on husky wolf voice,
"Little pig, little pig let me in."
"Um, you can come in but I think you might have the wrong room."
At this point I panicked because I realized that this was not my family on the other side of the door.  Unfortunately, just as I was listing the options in my head:
1. pretend I was a crazy person and ask if they could point me in the direction of the pigs house.
2. pretend I was being cute and invite myself in with the hopes of setting him up with one of my single friends/siblings, or
 3. run
 the door opened, and not that it matters but it was a very handsome young gentlemen and he was standing in front of a group of handsome young gentlemen all waiting to see what I would do.  I did my best to regain my composure but what can you really do at that point.  There is no explanation for my behavior.  Even I didn't understand what had happened.  So I quietly apologized, went back to my room and prayed that I wouldn't see him at the breakfast buffet.
 It turned out my in laws were actually two doors down but I guess I missed that important piece of information.
The moral of the story is obvious.
Don't act like a complete idiot unless you are actually standing face to face with people who accept you and all your unexplained dramatic impulses.  And maybe double check room locations before prowling the hotel as a crazy dog.

Wolf Girl Out