hall pass

The last of the pine needles have finally been vacuumed up and dislodged from the angry clogged Hoover.  Baking has reached a standstill and the only thing still twinkling are the stars in my eyes from attempting to exercise again after four (okay six) straight weeks of toffee, cookie, pretzel, peppermint, fill-in-the-blank bark.  But as I type I can hear my strange children humming We Three Kings while they build legos.  On Wednesday they begged me to keep the Slugs and Bugs Christmas cd playing as we wove our way to the grocery store.  It was a good reminder that I don't have to keep a whole season locked away in four giant red and green tupperware bins.  I am so anxious to not feel like I'm just treading water that I package it up as soon as the year turns.  The busy with the ornaments and the tension with the tree skirt.
It feels so much better to make resolutions, talk about my dreams for the year and pretend like I have everything under my control.  Fortunately God doesn't leave me in my self absorption and keeps throwing me outside of my comfort zone with nothing except, "HELP."
This month love they neighbor has meant sitting with a muslim friend listening as she shares the prejudice she faces every day and cries as she talks about fearing for her daughters, taking a risk to move from acquaintance to friend with my hairdresser as she treads through a valley, holding a sobbing 3 year old as his parents go through an ugly custody battle and knowing I can only give comfort in that small moment, giving up "nap day" to join a family small group, pretending to be an extrovert with a coworker during my break when all I wanted was to search through the anthropology website ("God, it's an extra 40% off clearance this week!  You can't possible want me to listen to this person's needs.").  Ok I'm slightly ashamed of that one.
So even though December is over the tension remains.  I am following my littles lead to hold on to the wonder of the season.  I am crying out for those dusty hands who healed the blind around Him so long ago to heal my selfish tendencies.
And I am clinging double fisted to those windows that allow for rest, renewal and creativity, i.e.
date night
grapefruit with extra sugar
bubble baths
this book, and this one, and this one (much, much more on this one later)
this breakfast in bed (lets call this what it is...dessert) but pair it with yogurt and it's paleo!
this project (thanks Amy O.!)
bon appetite magazine
time to wander with my new camera lens

I'll do what I have to do this season.  There will be tire marks from all the routine.  Tears have to be wiped, dinner has to be slow cooked, math homework has to be endured, toilets have to be scrubbed, laundry has to be folded and work has to be worked.  The days are rainy and the dark hours are long.  January is a complicated woman. But the good news is that we're all a little shellshocked from the holidays so anything goes!  And I'm leaving space in the chaos for all the little magical moments to breathe deep.  I won't just enjoy them.  I will wear them out.